We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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