My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
