was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
