I hate your face
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
