Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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