i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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