i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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