I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
