just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
