I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
