Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
