Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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