The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
