There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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