I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
