Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
