Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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