I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
