Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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