If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
