everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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