why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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