sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
