i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
how does that bad decision feel?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
