All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
