Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
