Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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