I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
