Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize