my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
