lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
