At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
