I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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