I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
