even my farts smell like vagina
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
