Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
