honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
