Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
