Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it because I queefed?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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