so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
