OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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