a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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