What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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