Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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