I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
