sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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