I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
