lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
