I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
