the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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