dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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