I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
where are my eyebrows?
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