I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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