Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
