look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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