Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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