If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
