If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
