Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There are leaves in my underwear?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
