This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize