The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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