Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
