My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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