1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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