Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
