Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
