hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
