8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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