i may or may not be watching the land before time
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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