You made me cry and you don't even care
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize