The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
